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Sharings on the Al-Anon 12
Steps:
The Twelve
Steps of Al-Anon
are a practical tool for change for Al-Anon members. The Twelve Steps help us find
answers to our questions and solutions to our problems. They help us to make
peace with the past and live productively in the present. Many members have
experienced that working the Twelve Steps of Al-Anon has transformed their
lives.
There is much to
be learned from other Al-Anon members about working the Twelve Steps and
applying it to their lives.
We’d like to hear
from YOU about your experiences with the Twelve Steps! We will combine all the
sharings to create a resource that will be helpful for others. Please contact us at afgdistrict5@gmail.com
to share about your experience with the Twelve Steps! You can send as many
sharings as you like, and you can write as little or as much as you like. We
will be grateful for whatever you share!
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Sharings on the
Al-Anon 12 Steps |
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Step 1 |
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had
become unmanageable. |
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¨ NEW I don’t like to admit how
powerless I am, but the truth is that I am completely powerless over everyone
else. and also over by past. I can’t change it. Al-Anon is teaching me that I can look at
my past – but don’t stare at it! I
stare at my past and hearing that today really helped me. ~ anonymous (Posted
2-12-13) ¨ NEW Admitting
powerlessness is a challenge: to feel free when I surrender and to work
on it in so many situations every single day ~ anonymous (Posted 2-12-13) ¨ The first word of the first step is we. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol,
we admit that we cannot fight this disease on our own and we no longer have
to be alone with it. With the
collective wisdom of the fellowship we can live a happy, joyous and free
life. I am so thankful that many 24
hours ago I joined the fellowship it has changed my life for the better. ~Barb S. (Posted 1/21/2013) ¨ My step one was a
first visit to Al-Anon and in desperation I
attended a meeting. I found help and support immediately and also started a
blue fourth step book immediately. These two steps helped me save my self and
then to save my marriage at the time. I did go through many more bumps and had
a roller coaster ride to arrive at recovery in a place I could feel stable.
Step one is not comfortable. When I return to that place of confusion, I work
really hard to progress on and get past the darkness of confusion. Step two
and three help with that. I now feel step one is a safe place to begin anew
each time I need to grow. Thanks for the step work. ~Jan (posted 1/01/2013) ¨ Step One is something that I encounter every
day somehow and often multiple times throughout the day! Often now I'm able to
remember that I can't control a person, place, or situation, which feels
relieving. Sometimes I get irritated by something I can't control and have to
remind myself that I'm powerless over it, but when I'm able to do this, I
usually won't spend as long dwelling on the situation and am happier overall.
This step helps me to remember that I can only control my own actions, and
helps me to focus on myself. ~Angela (posted 11/06/2012) ¨ Admitting that I'm
powerless over alcohol (and most everything in
my life) and taking Step One has reaped REWARDS that I never expected.
Some ways this has happened: Relief from formerly feeling like a failure by
trying to solve all kinds of problems; Energized by focusing on things I need
to, like myself; Wonder at all the beautiful things I have time to notice now
and enjoy; Awareness of what is in my hula hoop; Recovery is awesome; Days
are anticipated, instead of dreaded; Serenity as the biggest reward! ~
Maggie S. (posted 1/31/2010) ¨ Admitting I was powerless over something like
the drinking was very freeing for me. Finally there was something I could
stop trying to control. I felt like I was juggling all these balls in the air
in order to have a perfect life. I was trying to please my family, the
drinker, work but not me. When I came to Al-Anon, I felt I could relax and
take care of myself. I have been in this program a long time and I keep
coming back to remind myself that I don’t have to do it alone. So keep coming
back! ~ Cheryl B. (posted 1/06/2010) ¨ I came into the rooms of Al-Anon due to the suggestion
from a dear family member who already attended Al-Anon meetings. I stayed in the fellowship because it
works. They say it works if you work
it and your worth it. I have learned so much about myself that I
never would have learned had I not walked through those doors. Today I am a very grateful member of the
Al-Anon program. ~ Barb S. (posted
1/04/2010) ¨ I came to Al-Anon looking for a way to get my husband to
stop drinking. I learned quickly that
I was powerless over his drinking and the only person I could change was my
self. The steps and slogans have saved
my life many times. ~ Mary Lou L. (posted 1/01/2010) |
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Step 2 |
Came to believe that a Power
greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. |
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¨ NEW The challenge of Step 2 for me is not the "coming to
believe" part.... fortunately, it has always been easy for me to believe
in a Higher Power. I think my struggle at times is remembering that I am
powerless before taking Step 2, and at times will spend lots of time trying
all different methods of trying to change or control a situation before remembering
Step 2. It definitely helps me to feel more sane
once I remember that I can't do things alone, and that I need the program and
my Higher Power to be successful in recovery. Once I recognize that my
thoughts and feelings are getting too crazy, I am usually able to remember
that Step 2 is the answer to the problem. I remember that my way of doing
things isn't working, and become ready to believe that my Higher Power can
help.~ anonymous (posted 3-13-2013) ¨ NEW For me taking Step
2
has meant having the humility to open my mind to the wisdom of my home group,
my sponsor and Al-Anon literature. My inclination is to assume my answers are
the right ones, even when they result in pain and suffering for myself and others.
Al-Anon has gently shown me that being open-minded and willing to
accept support from others does make my life more serene. I am learning to
let myself flow more naturally with the day and what it brings. Today that meant I made heart-shaped
pancakes for an early Valentine’s breakfast and then my love helped me
prepare deviled eggs for the Al-Anon event I attended. It all unfolded early without being rushed
or even planned. Wow!! ~anonymous (posted 2-12-2013) ¨ NEW Came to believe…..so true that’s it’s
a gradual process but very affirming NOT TO BE IN CHARGE, and NOT Feel Alone
any more. ~anonymous (posted 2-12-2013) ¨ I
like this step a lot
because it gives me hope. I believe that
a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity if I let Him. There are some things that I need to do in
order for my HP to restore me. I need
to focus on myself, I need to go to meetings and I need to work the 12
steps. If I can do these things I
truly can be restored to sanity. I am
so thankful that I found the tables of Al-Anon to help me be
restored. Thanks for listening~ Barb S. (posted 1/30/2013) ¨ I came to Al Anon during a
stage in my life when changes occurred so rapidly I felt out of control. I
had lost my job, my mother had died, and my husband was moving out. I
was already praying to keep my feet on the ground and stand up for myself.
God lead me to Al Anon through two separate friends, who lovingly and with
great care guided me to a meeting. I was desperately reaching out and before
my first meeting I was using tenacity and self will to hold on. My survival
did not include letting go and turning over to God my reins and power. It was
more like asking God to turn it over to me. It felt counter intuitive to let
go and surrender, to offer up to God my will, and to begin to listen to God’s
will. I recall vowing to attend six meetings and then quit, since these ideas
seemed foreign to me. The spiritual awakening I felt came in a profound fashion.
I would come home from a meeting and feel anxiety free for an hour, as
the peace of God filled me with hope. Slowly and gently this peace extended
to more than a few hours, and more than a few days. I used the step four workbook to re-enforce the principles I was learning at
the meetings. Soon I was promising myself to not quit, and to continue with
this program. Months passed and I was standing on my own two feet with gentle
serenity, making new friends, and soaking up the support of a nurturing home
group. I still have to break old habits of worry, but now I have a program to
follow, and if I stray too far off the path, I go back to step one and write
down what is out of control, how I feel, and what I can chose differently for
the day. Step two helps me focus on an action that uplifts me. I appreciate
my sponsor and my group and I learn from them through creative and deep
listening at meetings. They are my guide to God and a reminder to keep coming
back. ~ Jan T. (posted 3-02-2010) ¨ I love Step Two it one
of my favorites! Step 2 says that I
came to believe. This means that
before I tackled step 2 I didn’t believe.
I didn’t believe that my life could improve, I didn’t believe that I
could find peace whether the alcoholic was still drinking or not. I didn’t believe that I could focus on
myself instead of obsessing on every little thing the alcoholic was
doing. What I came to believe
in is that I had a higher power that could do for me what I could not do
for myself. I could live a happy,
joyous and free life. I could keep the
focus on myself and even take good care of myself. I could find sanity in the midst of an
insane situation. Step 2 gives me hope!
Thanks for listening! ~ Barb S. (posted 2-09-2010) ¨ When I came into the program, I knew that a Power
greater than myself which I call “God” could restore me to sanity if I would
ask him. But I did not have the tools of the program to help me. I was a screaming raving maniac because my
life was out of control. I slowly learned to use the steps and slogans to
help me find “Serenity”. One day when
I was at a meeting I began to feel that maybe I was starting to understand
the meaning of the word “Serenity”. I
have to use the Steps and Slogans everyday to try and maintain a serene life.
~ Mary Lou L. (posted 2-01-2010) |
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Step 3 |
Made a decision to turn our
will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. |
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¨ The "as we understood
Him" part of this Step was like a freedom to my old way
of thinking. Religion confused me and it felt embarrassing to admit my
feelings and my points of view. Thankfully, Al-Anon is not a religious
program. But it does allow me to believe in a Higher Power of my
own
understanding. Today, I have a pretty good relationship with God!
And I appreciate His wisdom (most of the time!). Attitude is everything - and
I am grateful for this Step along with all the other Steps! ~Anonymous
(posted 3-21-2013) ¨ Step 3 transforms our
inner life, in addition it has a powerful impact on our relationships
with other people. I believe it releases us from everthing
we can't handle, or otherwise solve. We can " give
it to God" and let him handle it, because I sure can't. Now this doesn't
always work, but I keep trying day after day. I'll make it work, with God's
help.~ Anonymous (posted 3-06-2013) ¨ In my work as a
volunteer, I have to schedule people and
sometimes I don't have many people saying they would help. In the end I turn
it over to my higher power and the spots get filled. I have to trust my HP
and know that I am not alone in my life. It can be scary to do that but it is
also like a hand holding my hand and I feel better about things. ~ Cheryl B.
(posted 3-05-2013) ¨ Step
3 is a wonderful step
that I practice daily. I make the
decision to turn my will and my life over to HP every morning. I would much rather HP guiding my life than
me guiding it. I am a very willful
person and I think I have all the answers.
If only my loved ones would just do what I tell them to do we would
all be happy (NOT!!!) In the morning
when I turn my will and life over to HP I am putting myself and my loved ones
in much more capable hands. I am
saying that I am not God and that I do not have all the answers. When I take step 3, I am opening my life up
for peace and serenity. Thank you for listening ~Barb S. (posted 3-01-2013) ¨ Lately I have been trying to remember to
pray about Step 3 on a daily basis. One person suggested doing this every
morning- praying for it or reading it, in order to help the day go as
smoothly as possible. Sometimes I have to catch myself before reacting to a
situation and quickly pray to turn the things over that I can't control. This
has particularly helped me lately with letting go of a situation, and when I
pray in the morning (or even though out the day) to turn things over, I feel
more peaceful and have an easier time not obsessing and circle thinking
around things. It helps me to remember that my Higher Power already has a
wonderful plan in place for me, and to remember that I'm already taken care
of, as well. ~anonymous (posted 1-03-2013) ¨ Making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of
God can be a hard thing to do. I first
have to believe that there is a God that can help me. What I really think happens is that I try
everything that I can possibly think of to do in a situation and then when
nothing works as a last resort I turn the problem over to God. If I could just remember to turn the
problem over right away, I could save myself a lot of stress. God knows what is best and he also knows
how to open doors that I could not possible open on my own. I am going to try really hard to remember
that he has my best interest at heart and that I can trust him to handle any
situation that comes my way. Thanks for listening. ~ Barb S. (posted
3-12-2010) ¨ Early on in joining Al-Anon I received a “God Box’. I have several of them now and after many
years in Al-Anon I still have to put people in the box and let God take care
of them. I use to turn over my
Grandson Brent in the box but every few months his legs would be hanging out
and I would have to put him back and let God take care of him. I still try to fix and take care of loved
ones but I am reminded that I cannot do it by myself.~ Mary Lou L. (posted
3-01-2010) |
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Step 4 |
Made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves. |
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¨ NEW Think positive qualities, not just
the negatives and that line of thinking will turn your recovery into a more
pleasant journey! ~ Anonymous (posted 4-19-2013) ¨ NEW The peace I find in the fourth step
begins and ends with the Blue Workbook. I think it may have saved my spirits
when I first came to Al-Anon and had little hope left. I loved the workbook
because it led me into a gentle and kind inventory that was neither
frightening nor harsh. I needed the logic and reason that was built into it.
Some of us are already hard enough on ourselves without needing a punitive
moral inventory that puts us on the defensive. I am one of those overly or
maybe highly sensitive people that is afraid of
being judged critically. The fourth step became a life raft for my emotions
and my self-esteem during troubled times. Tranquility often comes for me in
the form of a scheduled and routine day of easy rhythms and plans. My
pride may lead me to take on more than I can handle, and so I scale back and
try to keep my day simple. A daily inventory helps me feel the balance of how
a day passed and how tomorrow can be better. ~Jan T. (posted 4-03-2013) ¨ NEW An easy morning is a rested one with
hope rather than groggy despair. When I feel ready and awake to take on the
day, I know my program is working. Peace feels like having a helping of God's
grace and some hope for another day. How does this work? The inventory helps
me unload each day onto a journal or a paper. The burden of a weight is
lifted. I also get to see my reactions and longings as they unfold. The
fourth step slowly helps me deal with my grief or my jealousy or my feelings
of entitlement. Taking an inventory with my home group helps me see a deeper
purpose for each question in the guide book. I learn so much and have so much
to be grateful for. I am certain that after many years working on the
inventory, it will be thorough and I have grace behind me to keep going. I
invite others to try the fourth step in a gentle way and to embrace the
design of forgiving oneself for our shortcomings. My thanks go out to
my home group and the wonderful support they offer over and over. May you
also be filled with more peace. ~ Jan T. (posted 4-03-2013) ¨ NEW Taking the Step 4 inventory has been
a wonderful tool to use for my recovery process. Many people are afraid to take this step
but it is important to not skip it. I
have heard at a meeting that a person is not ready to take the Step 4 inventory
until they are able to look at the positive parts of their character and not
just the negative. If we only have
negative things to say about ourselves then we are not ready. It has also been suggested that we do not
take a Step 4 inventory unless we have got the first 3 steps down. There are many ways to take an inventory
and it is important to work this step with a sponsor. So if you have not yet worked on step 4, it
is important to give it some thought because until we know where we are at we
cannot possibly know where we are going.
Thanks for listening.~ Barb S. (posted 4-01-2013) ¨ For me, the most important words in Step 4
are "searching" and "fearless." I was excited at first to
start Step 4 because I like having tasks or hands-on things to do, and the
first three steps didn't have a "project" for me to work on or
complete. I did the "Blueprint for Progress" and was excited to
start it at first, then became uncomfortable with answering a lot of the
questions for defects I didn't want to look at. I ended up putting off those
ones until last (which was fine). I still don't like to go back and look at
my answers to some of the questions, but without having done this step, I
wouldn’t have a starting point for myself in terms of defects that I can strive
to remove. The good thing is that now I can more easily see when these
defects are coming out, and a lot of the inventory showed my positive traits,
too! Without taking an honest look and without facing the fear of parts of
myself I don't like, I would not have the opportunity to grow through
recognizing these defects. ~Angela (posted 11/06/2012) ¨ I have taken many 4th step inventories and I have learned a
great deal from each one. I like the reading
in the book “How Alanon Works” that says if we owned a toy store we would not
hesitate to take stock of our inventory.
If there were too many teddy bears or not enough frisbies it would be
important to know. Well it is the same
for me, if I am low on patience or if I am taking care of everyone else’s
needs above my own, I need to know this so I can make a change. It is also very important to list the good
qualities as well as the bad ones. It
is really easy for me to list my bad qualities while forgetting I have good
ones. If I am taking care of myself as
well as focusing on myself, I will be able to see my good qualities. My goal in life is to live happy, joyous
and free. If I keep my side of the
street clean and keep my nose out of everyone else’s business I can reach my
goal. Thanks for listening. ~ Barb S.
(posted 4-06-2010) |
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Step 5 |
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact
nature of our wrongs. |
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¨ NEW When I was working on my 4th
step inventory it was suggested that I do the 5th step soon after
I was finished. Uncovering all my
wrongs in my 4th step was very emotional so I took my friends
suggestion and quickly did my 5th step in order to get rid of the
baggage of my past. After I read my 4th
step to another human being I ripped it up and threw it away at the gas
station down the street from my house.
After I threw it away, I felt like a 1,000 pound weight had been
lifted off my shoulders. It takes a lot of energy to carry around garbage so
once I did my 4th and 5th step it freed me up to live a
more productive and happy life. ~Barb S. (posted 5-03-13) ¨ NEW A
Trustworthy
person with a gentle manner can make or break this step for a new Al-Anon
member. We are all humans who’ve ‘Been there–done’ that - so listen, love and
encourage them to not hold onto the failings. ~Anonymous (posted 4-26-2013) ¨ Step 5 Admitting to God, to myself, and
to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs sounded really scary to
me at first. Some of the things that I had written in my inventory, I was
scared to tell even my sponsor about at first. I didn't even like writing
some of the wrongs because I felt bad about them when remembering them. I
remember admitting everything to my Higher Power through praying and then
talking to my sponsor about the inventory. She was very supportive and
non-judgmental about everything, and it ended up not being scary at all.
Afterward, I felt relieved that I had told someone about everything I'd done
wrong and was still accepted by them.~ Angela (posted 12-22-2012) ¨ I really like step 5 it allows a great weight to fall from my
shoulders when I mess up. I am human, I am not perfect and I will make
mistakes. However, when I do I need
not carry around the weight of my mistake.
I can talk to God about it, then another person about it and then I
can let it go. Usually I will bring it
up at a meeting. Once I talk about
something it looses its power to dominate my thoughts and my life. I love these steps they allow me to live
happy, joyous and free!! Thanks for listening. ~ Barb S. (posted 5-06-2010) |
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Step 6 |
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of
character. |
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6 can be a challenge
for me as it says to be enirely ready to remove ALL our defects of
character. I am not sure if I can
remove all of them at once in fact I know I can not. I work this step by taking one character
defect at a time and working on it.
For example I can get impatient with my loved ones and when I do I say
things that I regret later. What I am
doing to work on this is I practice HALT.
HALT stands for am I hungry, angry, lonley or
tired? If I am, I try to address it
before I take it out on my loved ones.
I also have to remember that I am not working this step alone and it
clearly says that God will remove the defects so now I have to let go and let
him do just that. ~ Barb S. (posted 6-15-2010) ¨ Sharing
on Step 6-When I think about
Step 6, I believe it is about looking honestly at ourselves and
deciding in that moment that we sincerely want to reject the thinking
and actions that have kept us separated from our Higher Power, who
I call God. In Step 6 we are alone with our thoughts. We know what
our faults are and we know that we want to be free from them and we know that
God can deliver us from them. In Step 5 we admitted these faults and now (in
Step 6) we work through the emotions associated with them - the anger,
the sadness, the jeaolusy, the disappointment; and eventually focus on the
freedom that is waiting for us, through the love and forgiveness of God. It
is time. The moment is now. We are entirely ready! ~ Therese L. (posted 6-01-2011) |
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Step 7 |
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. |
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¨ Step
7 - To me the first word
in this step is the most important.
When I can humbly go to HP it means I am open to His help and most
days I need a lot of help from Him! I
have many shortcomings but what I do is I work on the one that is giving me
the most trouble first. I heard
someone say that they asked HP to replace their shortcoming with something
positive so I also try to do that. The
biggest one giving me trouble right now is that I have a hard time keeping
the focus on myself. I have loved ones
that are not choosing recovery right now and I am letting it make my life
unmanageable. So what can I do about
it? I can become humble and ask HP to
remove the shortcoming and ask for His help in keeping the focus on
myself. I can also go to lots and lots
of meetings!!!! Thanks for listening
~Barb S. (posted 7-07-2010) |
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Step 8 |
Made a list of all persons
we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. |
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¨ Step
8 - I have heard it said that this step is way easier than step 9 where you actually have to start
making the amends and I have to agree making the list is less scarey!!! I have been in this fellowship a long time
so I have already made the list and also made the direct amends. What I do today is a daily step 10 which is
continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted
it. I love these steps they help me
live a simple and happy life. If I do
what the steps suggest, I do not have to carry around resentments or even
guilt when something negative has occured in my life. Before Al-Anon, I let resentments build and
I had to carry around a lot of baggage.
Today if I can help it I don't do that. If I have a situation that is bothering me,
I look at it and find out what my part is in it then I make the amends. One of the best things that works for me is
that when I have to deal with difficult people what I remember is that I
don't want to say something that I would have to make an amends for later on
so I generally keep my mouth shut!!! I
love Al-Anon it works if you work it and as we say at the meetings your worth
it!!!! Thanks for listening~Barb
S. ( posted 8-12-2010) |
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Step 9 |
Made a direct amends to
such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or
others. |
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¨ Step 9 - Making
direct amends to people can
be scarey especially if the person I need to make amends to is not a nice person.
I try very hard to not say or do anything that requires me to make an amend but I am not perfect and I slip up. When I have a slip I ask my HIgher Power
for the help to make the amend. Someone said at a meeting that they do not
force the amend, they wait until the opportunity
arises for them to make the amend.
That really helped me a lot. I
am such a perfectionist and go getter but what I have to remember is that the
Higher Power is in charge and all I have to do is pray about it and He will
open the door for me to make the amend. Thanks for listening~Barb S. (posted
9-06-2010) |
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Step 10 |
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong
promptly admitted it. |
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¨ Step 10 - This is my
favorite step! I love the fact that
I can take an action that will help me feel better right away. Before coming to the fellowship, I would
let things pile up until I was carrying a huge bag of pain on my shoulders.
Thankfully I do not do that anymore.
If I make a mistake, I promptly make an amends which keeps my side of
the street clean at all times. I love
Al-Anon it makes me live so much more peaceful. Thanks for listening~ Barb S. (Posted
10-10-2010) |
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Step 11 |
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious
contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will
for us and the power to carry that out. |
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¨ Step
11 - I really like step 11 because it is where I get my guidance. Before Al-anon I thought I had to be the answer
to everyone's problems by thinking of ways to solve everyone's problems. Today I do not believe that. I have a higher power and so do my loved
ones and I can tap into that power anytime I want. When I take time out of my day to have
conscious contact with my higher power, I have peace in my life. When I don't have contact with him my day
is chaotic and I have no peace. I
believe that the higher power gave us the fellowship of Al-Anon because he
knew we needed a power greater than ourselves to help us solve our
problems. I do not have the answers
for my loved ones problems but the higher power does. When I work the steps,
go to meetings and have fellowship with other Al-Anon members, I can remember
this and my life has much more peace in it. Thanks for listening~Barb S.
(posted 11-07-2010) |
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Step 12 |
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in
all our affairs. |
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¨ Step 12 really says a lot to me and I have to break it
down into three sections. First having
had a spiritual awakening as the result of working these steps is huge for
me!! Before I got involved in this
fellowship I had frozen feelings, the only feeling I could feel was
anger. As a result of working the 12
steps my feelings slowly thawed out and now I can feel a range of emotions
from sad to happy. I credit working
the 12 steps for this awakening. The
second part of this step says to carry this message to others which I do by
living my life following the principles of the Al-Anon program. I try very hard not to react to negative
behavior which only makes a difficult situation even more difficult. This also allows me to keep the peace that
I have worked so hard to attain. The third part says to practice these
principles in all our affairs. This
means I bring the Al-Anon recovery program to every part of my life. I can use the principles not only with the
active alcoholics in my life but with everyone I have a relationship with.
Reaching the 12th step was a huge milestone for me and one that I
cherish. I like what the suggested
closings says, “If you keep an open mind you will come to realize that there
is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to
be lessened.” This really sums up what
the fellowship has done for me and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Thanks for listening~ Barb S. (posted 12-8-2010) |
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All 12 Steps! |
General sharings on the
Twelve Steps of Al-Anon |
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¨ Sharings on ALL 12 Steps will be added here! |
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